So at some point in the last decade or so, the bizarre American tradition that is Black Friday — the orgy of deep discount sales and ensuing mob frenzy that follows their Thanksgiving — got exported to Canada. (Which seems like kind of an unfair trade to us — we give them Drake and Andrew Wiggins, they give us a second, more intense Boxing Day — but that's another story for another day.)
Nonetheless, many of you have either probably gone or are soon planning to get the cheapest Blu-ray player in human history. Some of you may have even crossed the border, and are ready for the bloodsport that is bargain hunting.
Here are some of the things you are going to see and feel in the next several hours, expressed in musical form.
The urge not to go (Shad, 'The Old Prince Still Lives at Home')
This is totally fair: listen to Shad, stay put, save your money, don't buy things you don't need. There is nothing out there for you.
Panic at entering the mall (Deadmau5, 'The Terrors in My Head')
The mall will be a teeming sea of humanity at its worst. Your fight or flight reflex will kick in. You will feel an intense dump of adrenaline and feel agitated. It's OK. You're going to be fine.
You will witness at least 1 fist fight (Skull Fist, 'You're Gonna Pay')
It will probably be over parking.
The urge to steal something (the Smiths, 'Shoplifters of the World')
These lines are so long, there are so many people, who would really notice if I just stuffed this hand-mixer under my shirt and walked out?
Don't give in to temptation! Listen to this instead.
At some point, if you are with a child, you will think you've lost them (F--ked Up, 'Paper the House')
It will be terrifying for both of you. Also, if you're not with a child, you may fear you've lost your least competent friend, which will also be pretty upsetting.
Regret (Cher, 'If I Could Turn Back Time')
"Whose idea was this again? Ryan? That's it, Ryan doesn't get to make decisions from now on. This was awful."
Anticipation for Cyber Monday (Zapp and Roger, 'Computer Love')
You don't even have to leave your house. They ship the stuff to you, it's amazing. Why didn't you think of this earlier.
by Chris Dart via Electronic RSS
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